Birthday Time!

Truthfully, I have never really cared for birthdays, they are fun and you get cake and people are nice to you, that's all well and good but essentially you're just a day older than you were the day before and a day younger than you will be the day after. Age, now at least, doesn't seem to mean anything. I have never been fond of being at the centre of attention and I prefer to just slink away quietly in the corner and watch everyone else enjoy the spotlight. That's not about to change. I am 19 years old today and a little part of me is freaking out, it's as if every time I blink I get closer and closer to 20 and I hate it. It's not the ageing process that scares me, it's the fact that the years are just passing by so quickly and as I gain years I don't seem to gain maturity. Your birthday is like New Year's it's a chance to do stuff again, to start over and be a better version of yourself. But each and every time either of these milestones occur I always fail, when I got to university the first thing I wanted to do was reinvent myself, be the person I have always aspired to be, but pretty soon after the first week I felt myself slip back into old habits, it's just difficult to maintain a certain amount of effort at all times. I'm lazy. Might as well just admit it.

I think the predominant issue with this is that whenever I want to be or do something different it's always surface stuff, it involves spending and essentially is just a by-product of low self-esteem. Everyone has days when they feel a little bit low and can't help comparing themselves to their prettier, slimmer, funnier, smarter friends and it's horrible to feel like you are never going to match up. It's quite bold of me to say: I'm done with that, because in all honestly I don't think I'll ever be. I like pretty things and pretty (inside and out, I am not a shallow bitch who chooses her friends purely based on their looks) people, I wouldn't be friends with them if they didn't have great qualities. I have countlessly looked in the mirror and disliked what I saw, nobody is perfect and it seems as though everyone wants what they can't have.

Back to the task in hand though, I'm 19 and my exams are finished. I am still young, single and moderately sexy, and it's time for yet again another reinvention. My fresher's year is coming to an end and I have three weeks of stress-free fun in the sun (fingers crossed) so instead of overhauling my appearance, losing weight, purchasing the newest foundation or any of those other things that I would usually do to make myself feel better. Instead, this time, I am going to change my state of mind, it is time to be fearless and a little bit daring.
One of my close friends has always said to me that if you have the slightest bit of doubt or discomfort about something then don't do it, and I wholeheartedly agree with that. On the other hand, if you want to do something and you get that excited "I shouldn't but I really want to" fluttery feeling that kleptomaniacs get when they lift a nail varnish from Boots then I say go for it. Obviously, I am not talking anything illegal or harmful, I am not going to start dropping acid or going to orgies in the wood, fear not. But I do intend to do one thing every day without caring of the consequences, I want to maximise the amount of fun I have in the next three years because even if I have to retake my first year it won't be the same.

So for the next three weeks I will post an "In Her Shoes" profile, they'll be my shoes and they will probably be in terrible condition and if I can get a decent picture I'll include my outfit. And yes, I got the idea from Ugly Betty, I know it's finished but I am just so obsessed with this show, I could watch it all day, every day.


 In addition to this, I'll blog about my day and my new fearless attitude. Honestly, this will probably only last a week, because I only have so many shoes, but I'll keep you updated anyhow.

So Happy Birthday to me . . . Happy Birthday to me . . . and now for my first post before I have a long hot shower, hot because I am in it. Thank you for reading, if even one person is interested in this it would make my year. Please comment, get in touch, any and all feedback is welcomed.