Although, given the nature of his condition it shouldn't be a shock that he's no longer with us, it still is a massive blow to the system. I can't imagine going to my cousin's house and him not being there cracking jokes, taking the piss and bemoaning his restricted diet. It hasn't fully sunk in.
Even though I myself am not crazily close to him I didn't see and speak to him every day but he was still in my thoughts as were his family and I think I took it for granted that he would survive this illness. He had already for an incredible amount of time. He wasn't perfect I know plenty of people who could attest to that he hurt people and sometimes even treated people badly but I have no doubt that he helped a lot more. He managed to stay positive right to the end which shows how brave and lovely he was. Because even though he was in so much pain I know he never let the true extent of his suffering show with thought for his family. He always put them first and for that he will always have my unconditional respect. And now that he's gone my family isn't complete anymore, all future occasions his absence will register and make people sad. It breaks my heart to see my grandparents cry they are such amazing people and they have lost their son. I can't think of anything more unnatural. And seeing his family and the way they are coping is making my throat tight. I love them all and hope sincerely that my Mama is now watching over us and enjoying his next life.
The next few weeks will be dedicated to him so I won't be posting much, his funeral is on Saturday and I don't think I will be up to much chatting about my purchases and stuff. I am sorry if I am letting you down. I hope to get back to this soon as we all know life moves on and you can't dwell on everything bad that happens he wouldn't want that and neither do I. Thank you for understanding.
