Link for the New Blog

Hello, a tiny little post telling you that this is my link for the new blog so feel free to check it out: http://alittlekiran.blogspot.co.uk/

Thank you so much.

Kiran xxxx

MY NEW AND BASICALLY ONLY BLOG

Hey there, I haven't posted in a while, because I wanted to redesign my blog and I have and I also changed the name it is now called alittlekiran. This is just a short announcement letting you know that all my blog posts will be on that website from now on. Please check it out it will be in a very similar vein. I just wanted to start again. So yes, check it out let me know what you think. That would be great. Thank you very much.

Kiran xxxxx

Tips For Freshers: Essentials for University

It's that time of year again where everyone seems to be abuzz with first year jitters. It is undeniably daunting to move away from home to live with people you have never met before in your life, it is perfectly normal to be scared, maybe even petrified beforehand, but trust me when I say this: a week into university or college or that new school and you'll already have good friends. Just remember that university is not like school, you won't just see these people in classes you'll see them all the time. You'll live with them, go to their parties, have dinner with them, have kitchen dance parties, play humiliating and amusing drinking games. The first week of your freshman year will cement friendship bonds stronger than the Terminator, it forges unbreakable ties and you'll have a tonne of fun, amusing memories and anecdotes. It will be one of the best years of your life. 

I know you're scared, but admit it deep down you are excited too, after all this is a chance to reinvent yourself, to finally be the person you have always wanted to be: cool, perfect, witty, optimistic and all that jazz. Fuck that. It's not worth it, it takes far too much effort and who says there is anything wrong with you anyway? You're fabulous. Know it. I know that when I started my first year I wanted to be the total opposite of me and I arrived with my contacts in, skinny jeans and new shoes. I had a fantastic first day, even though on the ride over I kept wringing my hands with stress and had to turn up the music really loud to distract myself. Taylor Swift, very distracting. Everything turned out fine of course, but this perfect image I wanted to convey soon shattered. It's like being in the Big Brother House, it's too exhausting putting on a charade so I mean it when I say be you. It's easier and it's definitely better.

Now those two things are out the way, I thought I would knock out another list for you lovelies to help with the anxiety you must be feeling and give you a heads up about what is to come.

1. Have a current account, which basically translates into using your card in shops to buy things, it's so much easier than looking for a cash machine constantly and it is much more conducive to student life.

2. You absolutely need a valid ID, I do not care how old you look or if you don't drink or buy alcohol, if you're with a friend at the supermarket and they want a six pack of Strongbow, they won't get served unless you both have ID. And you're going to feel like a dick. Plus, you don't have to drink to go out, and yes I promise you can still have a good time.

3. It's your first day and everyone is nervous, do yourself a favour to limit the stress pick out an outfit beforehand, something you feel attractive yet comfortable in, maybe layered as you'll get hot unpacking all your things. First impressions do go a long way so just think about how you want to be perceived, don't go crazy and buy a whole new outfit and skincare regime, simply be you on a good day and not a bad day.

4. Be open to new experiences. I'm not talking about threesomes, it's just for many of you this might be your first time away from home and although sometimes that can be sad it also means a lot more freedom. You can now do some things you couldn't before, you can invite a bunch of random people over to your room to play Ring of Fire for instance, you can have chilli-eating contests at five in the monring and you can walk to Tesco to get Pringles at whatever time of night you wish, usually drunk with three of your closest flatmates. 

5. People absolutely will steal your food. So can all the whiny messages on facebook and just steal there's too, as far as you are concerned all food in the kitchen is communal. Except in people's cupboards, come on now, we're not animals.

6. Make your room your own, if you are anything like me you will miss your family way more than you imagined, so your room should be your little safe haven away from everybody else. Personalise it with photos of your family and friends from back home, have a wallplanner so you can organise deadlines and assignment and exams in between socialising and just generally having fun.

7. If you can see your family, do. I only live about an hour away so I try and go home at least once a term, to catch up with everybody and just to have a break from people. It can get claustrophobic as you will see these people so often so it is important to have a break now and then and to just get away and give yourself time to miss them instead of just missing home. Plus the food at home is so much better.

8. Don't be afraid to spend time by yourself, you shouldn't force yourself to be social, everyone needs their "me" time where they can do stuff they would never do in public. Put on a face mask and pig out in your rattiest pyjamas and about seven blankets watching your favourite shows. It will always make you feel better. 

9. Be nice, approachable and engage, the only way people can get to know you is if you participate, play whatever games that are being played, Never Have I Ever is always a good one.  

10. Easy to cook fast food is your friend, something you stick in an oven for 20 minutes and is done. That is what you want. That and friends who cook culinary masterpieces. 

That's really all I have to say for now, as I think of more things I will definitely add to the list and add some awesome pictures that illustrate my points. Just remember you will make friends, you will have a good time and you will learn a lot about yourself. Just because you have finished school it doesn't mean you have life all figured out, you're still dabbling and trying things out, maybe you'll realise uni is not for you, or your interests lie in a different course or maybe you're finding it really hard being away from home or the course may be a struggle academically. It's hard to adjust but it will happen without you noticing and if you need anything, advice or just someone to talk to feel free to contact me. I would be happy to listen and hopefully make you feel better. Have an amazing year guys, thank you for reading and see you soon. 

Lots of love,

Kiran xxxx

My Absence and Apologies

Hello, I haven't posted much recently and I feel I should explain. I am terribly sorry but it's been a tough time for both me and my family as just a few days ago my uncle passed away. He was my Mom's brother and in my culture I would call him Mama so that's what I am going to refer to him by, as to me calling him uncle sounds impersonal. He was a great man and loved by many. He was sick for a long time, five years ago we were given forty eight hours and look how much longer he survived. That's proof their that he was a fighter.

Although, given the nature of his condition it shouldn't be a shock that he's no longer with us, it still is a massive blow to the system. I can't imagine going to my cousin's house and him not being there cracking jokes, taking the piss and bemoaning his restricted diet. It hasn't fully sunk in. 

Even though I myself am not crazily close to him I didn't see and speak to him every day but he was still in my thoughts as were his family and I think I took it for granted that he would survive this illness. He had already for an incredible amount of time. He wasn't perfect I know plenty of people who could attest to that he hurt people and sometimes even treated people badly but I have no doubt that he helped a lot more. He managed to stay positive right to the end which shows how brave and lovely he was. Because even though he was in so much pain I know he never let the true extent of his suffering show with thought for his family. He always put them first and for that he will always have my unconditional respect. And now that he's gone my family isn't complete anymore, all future occasions his absence will register and make people sad. It breaks my heart to see my grandparents cry they are such amazing people and they have lost their son. I can't think of anything more unnatural. And seeing his family and the way they are coping is making my throat tight. I love them all and hope sincerely that my Mama is now watching over us and enjoying his next life. 

The next few weeks will be dedicated to him so I won't be posting much, his funeral is on Saturday and I don't think I will be up to much chatting about my purchases and stuff. I am sorry if I am letting you down. I hope to get back to this soon as we all know life moves on and you can't dwell on everything bad that happens he wouldn't want that and neither do I. Thank you for understanding. 

My New Obsession

So I haven't been posting a lot lately and this is all due to discovering all these crazily awesome apps on my new iPhone and also in part looking for cute little cases for said iPhone. I have about twenty saved on my shopping feed, I am being good and have decided to wait until my next installment o the beautiful thing which is student finance. I have a while to wait unfortunately. But in the meantime I favourite new discovery and consequent obsession is Instagram, unless you have been living under a rock for the last few years or have no Internet access or technology whatsoever which in that cases you wouldn't even be reading this, I assume you know what Instagram is. And if you don't you should because its awesome. I can't fully encapsulate in words the joy it brings me to find a filter for my photos, it makes me insanely happy and can completely transform an otherwise ordinary photograph. Don't get me wrong there is a lot of people on there that bore the total crap out of me but apart from that its quite a fun distraction. I frequently find myself on trains so instead of casually playing Subway Surfer, which is another of my obsessions, it's quite easy to kill time perfecting your latest picture and thinking of hash tags. Who knew hashtags would be so marketable and transferrable in social media? 

I warn you all though, it is hopelessly addictive, and you don't get judgement for people when you start taking photos of the most inconsequential things but I say screw them. The older generation can suck it, I was in Asda yesterday and I was taking a Snapchat to send to one of my close friends all is wanted was to say that she had sent me the same snap thrice so I took a picture of the closest thing which was a bowl of quite tasty pasta and the cooks in the cafe were flabbergasted and thought I was retarded most likely, I just glared at them for their judging eyes and hopefully they will be more accepting in the future. So as long as you are prepared to put up with that you'll be fine, my friend I was with at the time wittily and yet quite harshly told me no to worry about it we won't have to deal with their judgement when the older technophobic generation die out, that felt a tad mean though but I suppose she has a point.

Anyway so this post is basically to shamelessly broadcast my account. And gig you a snapshot of my pictures but also to find another way to interact with you guys. I still am not entirely sure if any of you read this blog as you all firmly refuse to comment or reach out to me in any way. However, everyone and their son has an Instagram account as far as I am aware so if you follow me or comment below with your Instagram name I would happily follow you and check out your pictures I would love to see your accounts if you have one. Thank you for reading again and her is a look at my account. Lots of love. 

I have bought a lot of stuff recently and I am going to start selling some stuff I never wear or no longer wear on eBay, I am a size 8 so I will do a post of what I plan to sell and if any of you are interested I will give you first refusal. Thanks again ❤ xxx

BLUE VANILLA

Hey guys, so I have basically just been shopping recently and waiting for my phone to arrive. I went out last night with some of my school friends and had so much fun getting ready. Earlier in the day me and a friend went shopping and we each bought some makeup to try out. Lately, I have been looking at lipsticks it is the one thing I am quite iffy about. I usually just put on some sheer gloss or a lip balm and then I am good to go, but I know that Urban Decay are releasing a range of lipsticks consisting of 22 different shades and with matching lip pencils. Urban Decay is one of my absolute favourite make-up brands for eye shadow, they really do excel in this area they have the most gorgeous varied shades and they are incredibly pigmented and show up on all skin tones excellently, but I am not a fan of a lot of their other products. Their Moondust eyeshadows are too die for.

However, I am interested in their lipsticks and they are out in the UK on 5th August, I find it hard to get a shade suited to me so I am happy and excited to look at such a range. I have heard the formula is creamy and feels luscious on your lips and is highly pigmented. So I will let you know when I check that out.

So far, though, Rimmel has stood out for me in terms of their lip products. I love their Apocalips range, the applicator is the perfect shape and colours such as Galaxy and Celestial look amazing on all races, my friend bought Big Bang which is a strong red she literally only dabbed it cautiously on her lips and it came up really well, a great red. Their 1000 Kisses Lip Tint is incredible too, it smells and tastes amazing it's very subtle and consequently perfect for day wear and there is a handy little balm on the other end. I bought Galaxy Apocalips and the new Maybelline mascara, the plush one in turquoise packaging. It's a nice big wand which is my preference. I also got the matte foundation from Collection for £2.99 which I think is a great price, I got it in Almond and as I have oily skin I tend to only use matte foundations.

Finally onto the title of this piece as my phone arrived today I shot off to all the high street shops looking for pretty, relatively inexpensive cases and found a bright pink one with white butterflies from New Look. While I was there, a stand caught my eye with the loveliest clothes and I picked up a pretty red dress and twisted the tag to read Blue Vanilla. From what I have seen in New Look their clothes are fantastic they are fun and fancy as well as cute and quirky you could wear them during the day or on a night out, their pieces are so versatile. So I really recommend them, I love wearing white in the summer as it reflects heat it is also a pretty colour to wear in the sun and Blue Vanilla had halter tops, lace embellished shirts and flirty flippy little dresses.

This is the dress I got and I absolutely love it I would wear it every day if I could. Thank you for reading and I will post more soon, I promise. In other news I am on Instagram my username is kiranjeetkaur19 so follow me if you like if you comment on any of my posts I will happily follow you back. Lots of love xxx

Self-esteem. A bit of a personal rant.

Hello there, my sweethearts, I know I promised to continue Paris but writing about it and looking over all the pictures is making me pitifully nostalgic if I could beam myself back there I would. In a heartbeat. However, I promise to finish it and all some lovely, atmospheric snaps, cross my heart. In the meantime, I thought I would just fill you in with what is going on in my head today. My mind over the past few days has been preoccupied mostly with envy and body-image.

As you all know I have just started a YouTube channel and it scares the absolute crap out of me, all of my self-esteem issues have suddenly just rushed to the fore and I am scared people will rip me to shreds. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there so I admire anyone who can do it with the confidence and grace I have seen from some YouTubers. I look upon you with awe. And envy.

I am sure we all get it, when you're scrolling through your news feed, or passing people by in the street or even when you're having a much-needed catch-up with your friends. At least for me, I am not ashamed to admit that I get a little jealous sometimes, not in a cruel way, but I have constantly been the type of person who sees one good thing in everybody. You name any person on the planet and I would be able to find a good quality or feature that I could ascribe to them and that's not due to being born in a cripplingly polite household (the opposite actually) but simply because I believe it. I might have high standards when it comes to looks but I have never found anybody on the planet, even those few people that I dislike, ugly.

Getting back on topic though, as a psychologist, this envy intrigues me greatly. It baffles me when I realise other people feel it too. For me, because I know my own mind better than anyone else's, I can to an extent pinpoint my issues. I have always been insecure, whether it be because I wear glasses, or am naturally shy, and not nearly as confident as the people I surround myself with I genuinely have no idea. I just know that when I look in the mirror, I don't think there is a single part of me I wouldn't change if I could. I am not talking anything drastic, I would never go under the knife for fear they would muck up irreversibly and I would end up with half a nose or something. Rather, little things, like my elder sister has really big eyes, lovely, bold and brown, and they are the first things you would notice about her. I have always been a little envious of this, and in the same vein my little brother has outrageously long eyelashes which I would love to be the owner of myself. It takes me several coats of Chanel mascara to have the same effect.

You see, they aren't big things and I know it's been reiterated that as humans we are simply programmed to want what we can't have at all times, but I am not buying it. I feel like I have met people who seem perfectly comfortable and at home in their skin and that is a feeling I envy most of all. When you think of all the time wasted wishing you were someone else with clearer skin, bigger eyes, longer lashes and legs, it's actually quite ludicrous. I have no idea how to change it though, whenever I am depressed I seem to dwell on these things and of course I get a little upset until in despair when I come to the realisation over and over again that lamenting it isn't going to change anything I get fed up and declare that I am over it.

This bugs me, this endless cycle, because I know I wasn't always like this, as a child I was as uninterested in looks as my father is in MAC cosmetics, I couldn't have cared less, I thought it was obscene the amount of money people fritter away carelessly on fancy designer garments and high-end cosmetics. Evidently all this has changed and I think it's quite beautiful in a way, the confidence a lipstick or mascara can give you, yes it's superficial but if it makes you feel good and you aren't hurting anyone, what is the harm. No one can begrudge you that happiness, temporary though it may be. I got to the point where I was ruminating over how unexpected my shift in attitude towards appearance altered so drastically and I think I finally pinpointed it.

 One day in class, I was about nine or ten years olds. The teacher asked us to write five things we liked about ourselves, at this time I was already having trouble. I have always been smart, not so much now, but as a kid the simple stuff like fractions and addition, multiplication, reading etc came as easy to me as breathing so I tended to find school quite boring. I wasn't gifted or anything, I just spent a lot of time with my older sister and it seemed to have paid off without either of us noticing. Around this time my Great Grandfather died and although it wasn't utterly unexpected considering his age it knocked me for six, this was the first time I had ever been confronted with mortality and it terrified me. I just wanted to know where he was and I started to get a little anxious and restless at school so I would usually just stay at home or go to my Nan's when I could. This day though I was there, and at first I struggled to complete the assignment, but eventually I wrote down a few things, like my hair and teeth, my eyes were okay but I didn't have good eyesight so I reluctantly put that down as my third thing. And then I was stuck, hopelessly stuck, I just couldn't think of anything, it was pathetic but I was having a serious crisis of confidence. It wasn't just aesthetics, I couldn't name anything I liked about my personality either and it shattered what little self-liking I had.

I know now that's silly, but at the time it felt like a major deal and as soon as I got home I hid under my Dad's arm reassuring myself that it didn't matter if I was unattractive and uninteresting my parents loved me unconditionally. Luckily as I grew up, I started to notice that other people had their own confidence issues, everyone has areas which they are not totally pleased with, that is just life. I can't say I won't ever feel that way again, because as an insomniac I think obsessively when I can't sleep and just start listing things I want to change or improve about myself as a person and on one hand that is good, it pushes me to keep becoming a better person because I know I could do so much more. But on the darker hand, it can sometimes be soul destroying and extinguish any love you have for yourself. It can be positive to be critical but don't over do it.

I have never in my life wholly admitted to someone even the people closest to me in this world about my self esteem issues. Once when I was drunk in the first term of university and upset about something I spoke to a good friend a little about it and she basically told me I was being ridiculous. That was good in the sense it made me snap out of it, I liked her and wanted her to be my friend so I just brushed whatever was bothering me under the carpet I didn't want her to think I was making stuff up for attention or that I was pathetic (which admittedly after reading this post I am starting to feel like it haha). But alternatively, we meet so many people and judge them instantly. Label them as people who have always got what they wanted and have never had anything bad happen to them at all. And that is what is ridiculous, someone tweeted me saying that "The brightest smiles often hold the saddest secrets" which is a more poetic way of saying "Don't judge a book by its cover". Everyone's feelings are valid.

So please, promise me, that if anyone ever confides in you about anything to do with their body-image or self-esteem or really anything personal, just hear them out. Sometimes all anyone needs is someone who will listen and maybe offer up a hug and a hot drink afterwards. It's not hard. And remember that even though maybe you don't like what you have, someone out there will. We are all unique and are tastes are so varied, so in the end everything will be okay and if i have depressed you immensely with my tirade please watch an episode of The Simpsons and just forget I ever said anything. Thank you guys.